She's just an average girl next door, with a little over average dreams. There are times she's squealing with delight watching sappy love stories, the kind that tells how fate can overcome the hardest battle and love would always win. She let her heart flutter at the sight of two people destined for each other treasuring every moment they could possibly have in the name of true love. The times she wished she too could have those kind of love, you have no idea. But she didn't believe in coincidences and destiny, maybe because she never experience it first hand. Truth is, she wanted to believe that someday she too could find her other half. But right now she needs to feel whole. She needs to learn to write her own script. Each of us has a different story, we walk different roads but somehow we cross path along the way. She needs to realise that rather than comparing her story with others, she should appreciate the little things that people contributed for her. Because she will never complete the story alone, the world have never been only about her.
I, solemnly swear that I will love myself first before others. I will love every flaw and every imperfection on me. I will love me regardless.
To love yourself, that's the biggest challenge anyone could face. To realise how flawed you are, and still love yourself is the greatest self achievement one could ever ask for. And here I am, learning to love myself again. Learning to accept each and every part of me that I somehow grow to hate over the years. First, these are the little things I love about me;
My hair
I am so obsessed with my hair at the moment. It's at a perfect length and I don't mind the messy look anymore because I look freaking hot (oops!). I used to hate my hair. back in the days, I wish I could have pretty hair like the girls on tv etc but having to wear a hijab, I didn't really pay much attention to attend to my hair and it's always a nuisance because I was in boarding school etc (oh the excuses!). Hair, I'm sorry I hated you, not anymore though *winks*
My fingers and nail
I loooove my fingers and nails (well my hand entirely). I have quite long fingers, nice and slender though people would always say that they worry they would break my bones when giving giving me a handshake *rolls eyes* I hated short nails, because I can't hold things properly and it stings. But having long nails are also a pain in the ass, so I usually have them in the perfect length.
My smile
What even...but seriously though I like seeing myself smile or laugh (I have a funny laugh, the ones that makes people laugh not bc of my jokes but bc of my laugh)
My brain (?)
Hahaha this is so overrated, but I like how I can be so clever and so stupid some other time (lol)
Strength
Not physical strength obviously. Sometimes I surprise myself how strong I could be, it's all a matter of trying. I've done things that I would have never expect the old me to do before. I have lived through the heartbreaks and mental breakdown. I am proud that I've come all the way where I am now. Being someone who rarely shares her problem, I don't have anyone I can turn to. Not that they didn't care but I hated it when people sympathises me. It makes me feel weak and helpless of my own life. But I'm glad certain people still put up with me after all these years *hugs and kisses* As years go by, I've learned not to depend on people and to do the things I wanted to do. To have control over your own life feels so good (omg I kinda sound like Mr Grey). You wanna go on a fancy date alone, do it. You wanna eat something, eat it, you can always cry about how many calories you need to burn later. You feel like taking a walk outside even though it's 8pm and it's freezing cold, why the hell not? Do the small things, you will realise that it's not always the big things that matter.
Loyalty
Heck, I'm loyal as f hahahaha and my name actually means loyal *winks*
whoa, this post is sooo vain???? who cares it's my blog bitch
Love yourself, okay? xoxo
To love yourself, that's the biggest challenge anyone could face. To realise how flawed you are, and still love yourself is the greatest self achievement one could ever ask for. And here I am, learning to love myself again. Learning to accept each and every part of me that I somehow grow to hate over the years. First, these are the little things I love about me;
My hair
I am so obsessed with my hair at the moment. It's at a perfect length and I don't mind the messy look anymore because I look freaking hot (oops!). I used to hate my hair. back in the days, I wish I could have pretty hair like the girls on tv etc but having to wear a hijab, I didn't really pay much attention to attend to my hair and it's always a nuisance because I was in boarding school etc (oh the excuses!). Hair, I'm sorry I hated you, not anymore though *winks*
My fingers and nail
I loooove my fingers and nails (well my hand entirely). I have quite long fingers, nice and slender though people would always say that they worry they would break my bones when giving giving me a handshake *rolls eyes* I hated short nails, because I can't hold things properly and it stings. But having long nails are also a pain in the ass, so I usually have them in the perfect length.
My smile
What even...but seriously though I like seeing myself smile or laugh (I have a funny laugh, the ones that makes people laugh not bc of my jokes but bc of my laugh)
My brain (?)
Hahaha this is so overrated, but I like how I can be so clever and so stupid some other time (lol)
Strength
Not physical strength obviously. Sometimes I surprise myself how strong I could be, it's all a matter of trying. I've done things that I would have never expect the old me to do before. I have lived through the heartbreaks and mental breakdown. I am proud that I've come all the way where I am now. Being someone who rarely shares her problem, I don't have anyone I can turn to. Not that they didn't care but I hated it when people sympathises me. It makes me feel weak and helpless of my own life. But I'm glad certain people still put up with me after all these years *hugs and kisses* As years go by, I've learned not to depend on people and to do the things I wanted to do. To have control over your own life feels so good (omg I kinda sound like Mr Grey). You wanna go on a fancy date alone, do it. You wanna eat something, eat it, you can always cry about how many calories you need to burn later. You feel like taking a walk outside even though it's 8pm and it's freezing cold, why the hell not? Do the small things, you will realise that it's not always the big things that matter.
Loyalty
Heck, I'm loyal as f hahahaha and my name actually means loyal *winks*
whoa, this post is sooo vain???? who cares it's my blog bitch
Love yourself, okay? xoxo
"Once a upon a time, there lived a beautiful girl. She was allowed to do anything, except go to the edge of the cliff, where she could fall. One day, out of curiosity, she went near the cliff. The closer she came to the edge, the more she could hear, the more she could see, the more she could feel. Finally she stood at the very edge and she saw light, then she leaned to touch it. But she slipped, and she flew!"
(The Croods, 2013)
People lose friends all the time, what's the big deal. But not me, I have never really lose friends until quite recently. Maybe it's because I have very few people I call friends, the rest, acquaintance. I've heard and read numerous stories about people losing friends along the way of growing up and I know sooner or later I'm bound to experience the same situation. But it never occurs to me that it would be this fast, this instance where I haven't even reach 21 yet. And I absolutely have no idea it hurts this much. A whole one year, and I still flinch every time your name pops up.
My daily lives resume and everything went back to normal but once in a while when I think of you my heart aches and there's this empty and hollow feeling every time I think what happened to us, what went wrong? It's not just that, I feel enraged, confuse and sometimes on the verge of shedding tears. There's so much more I want to do with you, so many things I need to share. Sometimes when I go out, I'll see things that would remind me of you and I'd go Oh hey X loves that! I should take a picture and send it to him later. Then it hit me. Oh we're no longer talking to each other. And my heart drops a little.
I can't think of why. I'm sure you have your reasons, whatever it may be. Sometimes I wonder, all those times, have you ever considered me as your friend at all? I guess maybe people don't value friendships like I do. Maybe they have their own way of appreciating something they call friendship.
I have friends that are like family to me, some are even more than that, but I can't deny that I spend little time exchanging 'hello's and 'hi's but I'll make time even if it's just sending an ugly vain selfie of me. That's what friendships are to me, the thought that counts and I wonder have I ever cross your mind at all?
That's actually a phrase from THG's trilogy, but I slightly change the word 'Panem' to 'happy'.
Have you ever thought of being happy every day? Or do you have a goal, that if you achieve a certain target you'll be happy? Some people have their happy times set and fixed, for example; people waited for the weekends where they will be free from work or school. Some people, enjoy whatever they're doing that they're continuously happy throughout the weekdays. What happiness means to you?
What are your thoughts about this? It occurs to me this question when I watched Paper Towns a few weeks back when Margo asked Q;
M: What are your plans? You said you have plans
Q: Well I'm graduating this fall, get in to med school and be a doctor. Then maybe get married and have kids by I'm thirty.
M: And then you'll be happy?
Q: What?
M: When you're thirty? In twelve years, when you have kids, a career, then you'll be happy. Is that what you're actually saying?
Q: Umm yeah I guess. yeah
M: Isn't there anything that could make you happy now? It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
Wow, that's something. Then I realise, I've always anticipate big things, big events, expecting that I'll be happy as soon as I've achieved or reached that, but did I treasure the little things along the way? I didn't realise that I force myself to hold on and suffer by saying;
"It's okay, hang on little bit more, the holidays are near,"
"The weekends are here, how exciting!"
But then it arrives, I admit that I'm happy what I've been waiting or anticipating is actually here, but the joy doesn't last. As soon as the holidays/weekends over, I'm back to suffering and misery. What a way to live your life. So slow down for a while, and take a look around. There's always something to cherish and be glad about your life around you on a daily basis. Try to be happy doing the 'little' things instead of just waiting for the 'big' things. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't anticipate big things, it's always healthy to pamper yourself once in a while.
So let's be happy. Cheers to many more happy days!
Have you ever thought of being happy every day? Or do you have a goal, that if you achieve a certain target you'll be happy? Some people have their happy times set and fixed, for example; people waited for the weekends where they will be free from work or school. Some people, enjoy whatever they're doing that they're continuously happy throughout the weekdays. What happiness means to you?
What are your thoughts about this? It occurs to me this question when I watched Paper Towns a few weeks back when Margo asked Q;
M: What are your plans? You said you have plans
Q: Well I'm graduating this fall, get in to med school and be a doctor. Then maybe get married and have kids by I'm thirty.
M: And then you'll be happy?
Q: What?
M: When you're thirty? In twelve years, when you have kids, a career, then you'll be happy. Is that what you're actually saying?
Q: Umm yeah I guess. yeah
M: Isn't there anything that could make you happy now? It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
Wow, that's something. Then I realise, I've always anticipate big things, big events, expecting that I'll be happy as soon as I've achieved or reached that, but did I treasure the little things along the way? I didn't realise that I force myself to hold on and suffer by saying;
"It's okay, hang on little bit more, the holidays are near,"
"The weekends are here, how exciting!"
But then it arrives, I admit that I'm happy what I've been waiting or anticipating is actually here, but the joy doesn't last. As soon as the holidays/weekends over, I'm back to suffering and misery. What a way to live your life. So slow down for a while, and take a look around. There's always something to cherish and be glad about your life around you on a daily basis. Try to be happy doing the 'little' things instead of just waiting for the 'big' things. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't anticipate big things, it's always healthy to pamper yourself once in a while.
So let's be happy. Cheers to many more happy days!
Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
Kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian jiwa
Oh angin sampaikan laguku padanya
Yang sedih pilu
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidupmu
Untuk selamanya
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
Kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian jiwa
Oh angin sampaikan laguku padanya
Yang sedih pilu
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidupmu
Untuk selamanya
Hi.
What's the purpose of people blogging? Well I think as a medium to communicate, to express what can't be expressed verbally and to just write. I used to love writing a lot and it's something I enjoy to do. But now I don't really have the time for it anymore. I still write, but essays and articles, the educational stuff. Those are boring I must say. I miss writing without boundaries, without rules and limitations just pouring everything on a blank piece of paper. It's like what I'm doing right now, I don't even have to stop to think of sentences or phrases it just came naturally. It feels good and I feel good. I'm not good at it despite I love writing but I'm okay with it, there's always room for improvement.
I created this blog about three-ish years ago, during my after SPM phase where I've got absolutely nothing to do. I used to like it when people read my blog, but these days not so much because it's rather private to me. This is where I rant and babble about most things, things that are sometimes irrelevant to others but significant to me. It's like I write for myself to read. A mini love letter from me to me, oh how sweet.
Talking about blogging, I've been wanting to try live blogging where I can blog about the things that are happening right in front of me at that very moment. But sadly, the only time I have my laptop with me is when I'm at the library. And libraries aren't such a place people live blogged about. I wanted to live blog the busy morning of London. Seeing Londoners rushing to work and spilling coffee on another person's shirt, watching the buzzing traffic of the city and surrounded by people, people everywhere. I guess that's the beauty of living in cities, you're never alone even when you are.
What's the purpose of people blogging? Well I think as a medium to communicate, to express what can't be expressed verbally and to just write. I used to love writing a lot and it's something I enjoy to do. But now I don't really have the time for it anymore. I still write, but essays and articles, the educational stuff. Those are boring I must say. I miss writing without boundaries, without rules and limitations just pouring everything on a blank piece of paper. It's like what I'm doing right now, I don't even have to stop to think of sentences or phrases it just came naturally. It feels good and I feel good. I'm not good at it despite I love writing but I'm okay with it, there's always room for improvement.
I created this blog about three-ish years ago, during my after SPM phase where I've got absolutely nothing to do. I used to like it when people read my blog, but these days not so much because it's rather private to me. This is where I rant and babble about most things, things that are sometimes irrelevant to others but significant to me. It's like I write for myself to read. A mini love letter from me to me, oh how sweet.
Talking about blogging, I've been wanting to try live blogging where I can blog about the things that are happening right in front of me at that very moment. But sadly, the only time I have my laptop with me is when I'm at the library. And libraries aren't such a place people live blogged about. I wanted to live blog the busy morning of London. Seeing Londoners rushing to work and spilling coffee on another person's shirt, watching the buzzing traffic of the city and surrounded by people, people everywhere. I guess that's the beauty of living in cities, you're never alone even when you are.
To you who stayed when the world left, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
If you read my previous posts, the ones I posted ever since I land my two feet here in the UK for the very first time you'll notice how bitter and little I like living here. Mainly, because my life was surrounded by the things I'm not willing to do. I hate how I don't have my close friends with me, I hate the course I was studying, I hate that I can't do the things I liked anymore. It was so hard, so full of restrictions and I was miserable. God knows how much I wanted to go home and return to where things fit into place. Let's just say things didn't go exactly as I planned (well it was expected nonetheless). Long story short, I had a major breakdown during my summer break. It's impossible to recover in a short amount of time but I manage. Honestly, the reason for my 'end-of-the-world-shenanigan' was mainly because I feel like I've crushed everyone's hope and expectation of me. I feel like I've let everyone down, especially my parents who have been there for me all these times. But deep down I'm relieved. I know that it's not for me and if given another chance to do it all over again and fix it, I wouldn't. I'm glad that it's all over.
Now I feel a bit better, a bit lighter and everything's a shade brighter. I guess it's true that everything happens for a reason. And now I'm slowly catching a glimpse of it, behind all the sweat and tears. I can't say that I'm certain of my future, nobody ever is but I hope I'll get through it. I'm starting to enjoy studying abroad. Seeing how something so small can affect my whole perspective on a bigger picture scares me. Because of the one thing I hate, I see everything around me negatively and it sucks to live in a clouded universe. I'm so happy that I've come out from that hellhole and now seeing things in a new light. One thing I've come to realise is that there's no easy way. Things get hard, you will feel like there's other choice other than giving up. I know, I've been through that. But believe me, it's not. There will always be a way, you'll always find a way. So just hold on a little bit more. If you feel like the people around you will look down on you and belittle you because of your failure, don't. They most probably will look up to you and wonder how on earth did you manage to get back on your two feet after a hard fall. It's okay to fall, it's okay to fall hard and stay on the ground for a while but don't stay forever. Get back up, with more confidence and determination.
hey-ho. Today marks the start of a new semester of my new journey here in Cardiff. Also means that you can kiss that 3 months holiday good bye Nad. Haven't been writing anything since I went back to Malaysia during the summer, I guess I was too busy doing nothing. Seriously I did nothing back home aside from sleeping and eating. Wrote a few blog entries but it all went down the drain.
For this new start, I'm honestly scared and excited all at once. The excitement of learning something new but also the fear of not being able to fully excel in it is really driving me crazy and it's only been one day of class! But above all, I'm relieved to be free from Optometry! Since I've got what I wanted, might as well make use of it, and I am forever grateful. Indeed His plans are the best :)
For this new start, I'm honestly scared and excited all at once. The excitement of learning something new but also the fear of not being able to fully excel in it is really driving me crazy and it's only been one day of class! But above all, I'm relieved to be free from Optometry! Since I've got what I wanted, might as well make use of it, and I am forever grateful. Indeed His plans are the best :)
I guess there's a part of me that still hold on to him. A part of my unconsciousness still want him though I believe I've moved on completely. He often appears in my dreams, and mind you I don't usually dream and even if I do I won't remember them.
But if it's you I kinda know that it's a dream and I don't wanna wake up. I too, find it quite odd. Everytime you appear, it's usually because I haven't talk to you for a long time or you haven't cross my mind for a while. It's like some part of me misses you, some part I absolutely have no control of.
Today I woke up with my heart missing you and my mind kept wandering back to you. It's because of that dream. I haven't think about you for quite some time now and it amazes me how easily you appear in my dream, it felt so surreal.
It was somewhere nice, we went to a theme park with our school friendsand accidentally bumped into each other. How ridiculous, you'd never go out with those kind of friends smh but never mind. I wanna keep the rest of the dream to myself, it felt too special I can't afford to share it with the world. In this holy month of Ramadhan, is this a sign? Pfft get over yourself Nad there's no such thing. Ahh on a side note, it's good to be back in Malaysia (tho I find it quite hard to breathe, it's hot and humid but it's home)
I have a thing where I tend to laugh at the most random things. Sometimes my friends find me annoying for laughing too much. Can't help it tho you're stuck with the non-stop-laughing-Nad for life!
I bet most of us actually have come across a saying that psychologically, a person that laughs at the most simplest thing is actually lonely. Someone told me this (although I must admit I've already know this so called fact) and asked (in a nice way) that if I am lonely. Am I? Oh boy that's some tough question you got there. I won't really say I'm lonely maybe just a bit out of place here and there but definitely not lonely. And you're wondering why I laugh so much? Because I see everything around me as something good and exciting. It makes me happy and sometimes just for a little while I forgot all my problems. Laughing is good way to spread positivity even when you know you yourself lack positivity. When I laugh techincally the people around me at some point will laugh with me, tho sometimes they laugh bcs the way I laugh is so funny *pish posh* Regardless of the reason, isn't it great to be able to make people laugh, to see their mouth curved,their teeth showing and their eyes suddenly become so small. For me, it's a satisfaction nothing can replace. Good humor is something you can't keep to yourself, keep that in mind. I'm blessed to have such funny friends that always always makes my day alhamdulillah. Someday, if I am to get married, I need a husband that'll be able to compromise my non-stop laughs *grins*
"There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour"
-Charles Dickens
I have this thing where people's first impression of me is almost always something negative
"Ugh she's so snobbish"
"Budak tu nampak macam berlagak kan"
"Tengok tu dia tu tengok orang macam apa"
"Did her cat just died?"
What? hahaha it's just I suck at making a good first impression. And I have what people call a 'resting bitch face' I can't help it. Tried smiling too but it'll always seems fake (because I'm faking it). I honestly don't really know how to make friends because I'm obviously not friendly, at all. Living here in the UK, I don't have as much friends back in Malaysia. But I think my making-a-good-first-impression skills got better, thank God.
And one more thing, I hate it when I look ugly/unkept/messy when I meet someone for the first time, it's like "wait! I can do better than this I'm not always this messy" hahaha there's this one time I met this kakak here in the UK I was so selekeh at that time and later that week I met her again and she didn't recognize me! God I must've looked pretty horrible back then hahaha whates.
What's people's first impression of you? Try asking around, it'll be fun to know what you look like from another person's eyes
"Ugh she's so snobbish"
"Budak tu nampak macam berlagak kan"
"Tengok tu dia tu tengok orang macam apa"
"Did her cat just died?"
What? hahaha it's just I suck at making a good first impression. And I have what people call a 'resting bitch face' I can't help it. Tried smiling too but it'll always seems fake (because I'm faking it). I honestly don't really know how to make friends because I'm obviously not friendly, at all. Living here in the UK, I don't have as much friends back in Malaysia. But I think my making-a-good-first-impression skills got better, thank God.
And one more thing, I hate it when I look ugly/unkept/messy when I meet someone for the first time, it's like "wait! I can do better than this I'm not always this messy" hahaha there's this one time I met this kakak here in the UK I was so selekeh at that time and later that week I met her again and she didn't recognize me! God I must've looked pretty horrible back then hahaha whates.
What's people's first impression of you? Try asking around, it'll be fun to know what you look like from another person's eyes
Yesterday. Today. I miss you. I hope tomorrow I won't anymore.
"The thing I realise, it's not about what you take it's what you leave" -All The Bright Places
This is a quote from a book I just finished and this one sentence struck my heart. Be it about life or the places I've been and the people I've met, have I left something significant or did I just take without leaving anything?
In the streets we walk, the people we pass each day, the smell of the spring breeze and all the little things we often fail to appreciate time after time there is always something we take whether we realise it or not. We took so much from everything but we fail to give back. The splendid view of the sea during our short visit to the beach, take. The smile of a stranger we pass on our way to school, take. The small act of kindness by our friends, take. We take take and take. What have we 'leave' in return?
My life has been a splash of anger and confusion lately since I'm here in the UK. I dont know if it's because I'm thousands of miles away from the ones I love or because I hate what I'm doing here, whichever. The thing is, I took (take) so much from everything around me and being the selfish me I didn't think I did a good job leaving anything significant or useful around me. And I'm scared. Scared that I'll leave this world without leaving something for those around me, be it to the people I know or just a mere stranger. So I'm gonna do my best to leave something, anything wherever I go and whoever I met. Life's a canvas full of streaks of colours and paint but why stop there. I wanna add meaning to this short life, form words and sentences, or even songs. I want to give back, to the world and to you.
This is a quote from a book I just finished and this one sentence struck my heart. Be it about life or the places I've been and the people I've met, have I left something significant or did I just take without leaving anything?
In the streets we walk, the people we pass each day, the smell of the spring breeze and all the little things we often fail to appreciate time after time there is always something we take whether we realise it or not. We took so much from everything but we fail to give back. The splendid view of the sea during our short visit to the beach, take. The smile of a stranger we pass on our way to school, take. The small act of kindness by our friends, take. We take take and take. What have we 'leave' in return?
My life has been a splash of anger and confusion lately since I'm here in the UK. I dont know if it's because I'm thousands of miles away from the ones I love or because I hate what I'm doing here, whichever. The thing is, I took (take) so much from everything around me and being the selfish me I didn't think I did a good job leaving anything significant or useful around me. And I'm scared. Scared that I'll leave this world without leaving something for those around me, be it to the people I know or just a mere stranger. So I'm gonna do my best to leave something, anything wherever I go and whoever I met. Life's a canvas full of streaks of colours and paint but why stop there. I wanna add meaning to this short life, form words and sentences, or even songs. I want to give back, to the world and to you.
Nasi lemak. Milo ais. The sun. Pasar malam. Roti canai. Charkuetiau. Kedai mamak. Haziera. Starbucks' Green Tea Frappe. Burger Ramlee. Naik kereta. Kipas. Masjid. KTM. Udara Malaysia yang tercemar lol. Azan. Surat khabar in bahasa. DipNdip. Cakap melayu dgn waiter/waitress. Secret Recipe. Teh o ais limau. Pisang goreng. Midvalley. Murtabak. Selipar. Coolblog. Maktab. Baju kurung. Ayam percik. Dadih. Moto kapcai. Naik kereta. Katil dekat rumah. My cat. KLCC. Mara13. MSU. Shah Alam. Kek batik. My bitches. Mama's pudding. Kengkawan. Buku. Axons. Not having to do my own laundry. Malam yang panjang. Subuh at 6am. Maghrib at 7-ish pm. Hujan Malaysia. Malaysia.
And obviously, Mama Ayah Adik Adik Maktok Tokwan <3
One month to go haiyakk!
I've never been so scared (up to the point of crying) to face an exam ya Allah.
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow
Hello whoops look at the date! Hahaha happy birthday to the gorgeous oh so awesome me.
Unlike past years, this year I privated my facebook wall thus no one can post on my wall without my permission. Hahaha tbh it's annoying getting birthday wishes from strangers acting like they've know you their whole life. You must be thinking like "why the hell are they in your friend list of you don't know them then?!" Well that, was my biggest mistake ever (sort of) being the dumb 14 year old me. Hahaha aside from liking all those stupid pages back in 2009.
I was thinking of deactivating that facebook account and making a new one but then it'll take ages to have all my contacts again as people these days are not as active on facebook as before. So I decided to continue using this current account. I've removed almost half of the people I don't know and there's just few left (by few I mean there's still a bunch of them)
And yeah looks like the only ones that are remembering my birthday (some remember but didn't wish I know I know) are the ones I'm expecting Alhamdulillah. Quite a few that I didn't expect double Alhamdulillah :)
Sometimes the people we barely keep track of are the ones keeping track of us. Thank you Allah for giving me these people I'm so grateful jzkk
Everyone's busy with final exams etc and I'll be sitting for my first paper in two days ya Allah takutnya tak sempat nak risau psl birthday whatsoever pls just let me pass this year amiin amiin amiin!
Yknow that feeling when you can't have what you want but your heart keep on tempting you to try and convince you that it's okay when it's really not? Sucks man, seriously.
How do you control something that's totally out of your limitations?
The stress of the exam is starting to make my life a living hell, and the 'situation' kinda adds up to it.
Ya Allah for You are the Almighty and in You I trust. Bring me back my confidence and self worth, I can no longer bear all these emotions all at once anymore.
"The right thing is always the hardest"
That dream again. It's still vividly playing on my mind. I remembered it was the first dream ever after I met you few months back. The same dream. The same people. Same character died. Same storyline. It's all the same! What's the meaning of this?
"I need solitude to empty my mind of people, then I need people to empty my mind of me"
Technically, this is me giving up. I dont know if I can call it giving up since I havent even tried my luck but yes this is me doing whatever you call it (aside from the term giving up). I've decided that it's okay to like someone and just see them doing fine from afar. It's okay to know that they're happy with the ones they chose. It's okay just knowing that he's out there somewhere in this world breathing the same air I breathe in. It's okay to feel lost and confused for a moment when you cant get what you want. But hey consider yourself lucky enough dear self, for you've met someone you thought never exist. Someone that's just a make-believe in your fairytale world. But there he is, breathing air in and out of his lungs, pretty much alive. I've made up my mind, that you will be just you. I like the way you are now, how I can see and watch (not literally) every thing that goes on in your life. Thank you for giving me that much. And I am forever grateful, thus I wont ask for more. I know people tend to get greedy and keep wanting more so I'm gonna prevent myself from being one. I'm content with how things are between us. I'm thankful for our short meet ups, our secret moment of stealing glances at each other hahaha I'm getting pink cheeks just remembering that. Thank you for that sweet sweet memories even short, I will remember that as long as possible. From now on, you will be one of those movie stars I like. So close yet so far fetched. Tho we've stop keeping in touch directly I hope you still remember me and thru your likes on ig I'll know that I still exist in your world. That's more than enough for me. Till next time :)
This is definitely on my wish list and soon to be crossed out inshaAllah. I've had this idea for quite some time now. On one fine day, I'll pack up my bags and head to the airport with some cash and I will randomly buy a flight ticket to the first name of place that catches my sight at the airport! I'm so excited for this! Imagine how cool and heart-wobbling it'd be to blindly head somewhere without proper planning or even notice! I'm sure it's gonna be one hell of an experience. Bet my parents would drop dead if they knew hahaha gotta wait few years more I guess. I want to experince the feeling of getting lost in cities, walking through crowds of people with different walks of life, eating food that I can't find where I'm from and meeting creepy/friendly/nice/vulgar strangers along the way. Maybe I'll be off to somewhere I've never even thought about, who knows right? Fate has a way of surprising us in things we can never imagine Travelling alone is not something I've done before, the far I've gone was travelling in two. So It'll be a bit of a challenge for me, surviving in places I know nothing of with no plan whatsoever! I don't know if I really have the guts to actually execute this plan but it's definitely on top of my wishlist before I get married (which is hm ofc not some time near) and I'd like it very very much if my best friends can join me! It'll triple the fun and excitement! OMG I'm excited just talking about it haih musn't let it get to me too often, I've got exams to study for right now! Until next time then :)
Ohh this is WISHLIST #1
Ohh this is WISHLIST #1
An amazing thing happens when you get honest with yourself and start doing what you love, what makes you happy. Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekends. You stop merely looking forward to special events. You begin to live in each moment and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy. You move fluidly, steadily, calm and grateful. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born.
No. It's not beautiful. Yes it is. Partially. Oh I don't even know. I can safely say that it's beautiful in it's own way. Some of it consumes you. Making you suffocate. It's a drug you can never stop wanting. Beautiful but deadly. Indulging myself in these romance novel these past few days are making me feel empty but so full of emotions, lonely but not wanting company and missing a small part of my past where I have someone whom I can call mine. Romance is so not healthy for me at the moment. It manipulates my feelings goddamit I'm so confusing. I can't even understand myself *cries*
Some people said that it's impossible for two people of the opposite gender to likely become the best of friends without falling in love. Fitrah manusia katanya. I don't think I entirely agree with that. Yes it is fitrah manusia lelaki dan perempuan itu saling attract one another. but friendship is one kind of mutual attraction too. I admit throughout my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SEPANJANG 20 TAHUN ni of course I've had feelings for some of my guy friends but it's not love. It's the longing of wanting someone to listen to you to always be there for you. A partner to act silly with. It's not love. It's a strong bond of friendship. We often salah tafsir these feelings with love thus sometimes ruining the friendship between this boy and girl.
I've got a male best friend. No. Actually I got a few of male best friends. And I am entirely absolutely sure that I won't be falling for any of them 'baboons' hahahahaha (no offense) Not because they're not attractive but because i don't date FRIENDS! And they won't date me either LOL we're cool.
With these guys I can talk literally about everything. EVERTHING. From dirty jokes to religious talk real quick! They're like my girl friends except I cant hug them or touch them lol
so yeah GIRLS and BOYS can be the best of friends! xoxo
I've got a male best friend. No. Actually I got a few of male best friends. And I am entirely absolutely sure that I won't be falling for any of them 'baboons' hahahahaha (no offense) Not because they're not attractive but because i don't date FRIENDS! And they won't date me either LOL we're cool.
With these guys I can talk literally about everything. EVERTHING. From dirty jokes to religious talk real quick! They're like my girl friends except I cant hug them or touch them lol
so yeah GIRLS and BOYS can be the best of friends! xoxo
Rindu. Pada siapa tidak pula ku tahu. Mungkin sekadar permainan perasaan yang terkadang hilang sesat seketika. Oh how I wish it's that easy. These few days that one particular name keep popping up. Crazy huh after all this while after what I've done. This is all just a stupid game. And I quit playing long before I realize.
Cuma kadang kadang the heart wants what it can't have. What's the thrill anyway if it's the other way around. Never mind, class is about to start. I'll get over this 'hangover' thingy no worries.
xoxo
Cuma kadang kadang the heart wants what it can't have. What's the thrill anyway if it's the other way around. Never mind, class is about to start. I'll get over this 'hangover' thingy no worries.
xoxo
