People always think I'm strong. But I am not. I'm just good at putting on a show. At the end of the day, mask discarded, strong is the last word I would describe myself. But that's not something you need to know.
Attention. I used to love attention, so much that I thrive on people looking my way and noticing me. It brought a sense of satisfaction to be the centre of attention. My addiction to attention is not something people know because unlike bursting and sticking out like a sore thumb, it's more subtle and soft. People don't usually know they're giving me the attention I myself asked and somehow that's a good thing I supposed.
I guess I got tired of the spotlight. I got tired of trying my best to appease the public. I got tired of letting people see what I create and shape for them. I got tired of pretending. It was fun while it lasted. I wanna have fun for the sake of having fun and not because I wanna show the world how much fun I'm having. I've wasted so much memories trying to show people how much I enjoy my life instead of truly living it. I've wasted opportunities of enjoying the company I'm with, the people that matter and supposed to matter. It's sad really. I still love attention of course, but only from those worthy of mine too. Wouldn't it be better to pay attention to the friends next to you rather than hundreds of people on instagram/twitter who only feeds your attention based on what filter you use on you photos and how funny your tweets are. I'm done with that life. Often we took the things/people in front of us for granted. I've learned my lesson in ways I hope anyone else do not have to go through. I'm reminded of the things I took for granted when I myself was taken for granted, the wheels of life took its spin on me I guess.
So here's to 2017. Here's to more self discovering moments, more memories made and more appreciating of the people around me. Let's take it slow.
