Sophrosyne

I've never been so scared (up to the point of crying) to face an exam ya Allah.
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow

Hello whoops look at the date! Hahaha happy birthday to the gorgeous oh so awesome me.

Yknow that feeling when you can't have what you want but your heart keep on tempting you to try and convince you that it's okay when it's really not? Sucks man, seriously. 

That dream again. It's still vividly playing on my mind. I remembered it was the first dream ever after I met you few months back. The same dream. The same people. Same character died. Same storyline. It's all the same! What's the meaning of this?

"I need solitude to empty my mind of people, then I need people to empty my mind of me"

Technically, this is me giving up. I dont know if I can call it giving up since I havent even tried my luck but yes this is me doing whatever you call it (aside from the term giving up). I've decided that it's okay to like someone and just see them doing fine from afar. It's okay to know that they're happy with the ones they chose. It's okay just knowing that he's out there somewhere in this world breathing the same air I breathe in. It's okay to feel lost and confused for a moment when you cant get what you want. But hey consider yourself lucky enough dear self, for you've met someone you thought never exist. Someone that's just a make-believe in your fairytale world. But there he is, breathing air in and out of his lungs, pretty much alive. I've made up my mind, that you will be just you. I like the way you are now, how I can see and watch (not literally) every thing that goes on in your life. Thank you for giving me that much. And I am forever grateful, thus I wont ask for more. I know people tend to get greedy and keep wanting more so I'm gonna prevent myself from being one. I'm content with how things are between us. I'm thankful for our short meet ups, our secret moment of stealing glances at each other hahaha I'm getting pink cheeks just remembering that. Thank you for that sweet sweet memories even short, I will remember that as long as possible. From now on, you will be one of those movie stars I like. So close yet so far fetched. Tho we've stop keeping in touch directly I hope you still remember me and thru your likes on ig I'll know that I still exist in your world. That's more than enough for me. Till next time :)

This is definitely on my wish list and soon to be crossed out inshaAllah. I've had this idea for quite some time now. On one fine day, I'll pack up my bags and head to the airport with some cash and I will randomly buy a flight ticket to the first name of place that catches my sight at the airport! I'm so excited for this! Imagine how cool and heart-wobbling it'd be to blindly head somewhere without proper planning or even notice! I'm sure it's gonna be one hell of an experience. Bet my parents would drop dead if they knew hahaha gotta wait few years more I guess. I want to experince the feeling of getting lost in cities, walking through crowds of people with different walks of life, eating food that I can't find where I'm from and meeting creepy/friendly/nice/vulgar strangers along the way. Maybe I'll be off to somewhere I've never even thought about, who knows right? Fate has a way of surprising us in things we can never imagine Travelling alone is not something I've done before, the  far I've gone was travelling in two. So It'll be a bit of a challenge for me, surviving in places I know nothing of with no plan whatsoever! I don't know if I really have the guts to actually execute this plan but it's definitely on top of my wishlist before I get married (which is hm ofc not some time near) and I'd like it very very much if my best friends can join me! It'll triple the fun and excitement! OMG I'm excited just talking about it haih musn't let it get to me too often, I've got exams to study for right now! Until next time then :)

Ohh this is WISHLIST #1

An amazing thing happens when you get honest with yourself and start doing what you love, what makes you happy. Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekends. You stop merely looking forward to special events. You begin to live in each moment and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy. You move fluidly, steadily, calm and grateful. A veil is lifted, and a  whole new perspective is born.

No. It's not beautiful. Yes it is. Partially. Oh I don't even know. I can safely say that it's beautiful in it's own way. Some of it consumes you. Making you suffocate. It's a drug you can never stop wanting. Beautiful but deadly. Indulging myself in these romance novel these past few days are making me feel empty but so full of emotions, lonely but not wanting company and missing a small part of my past where I have someone whom I can call mine. Romance is so not healthy for me at the moment. It manipulates my feelings goddamit I'm so confusing. I can't even understand myself *cries*

Some people said that it's impossible for  two people of the opposite gender to likely become the best of friends without falling in love. Fitrah manusia katanya. I don't think I entirely agree with that. Yes it is fitrah manusia lelaki dan perempuan itu saling attract one another. but friendship is one kind of mutual attraction too. I admit throughout my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SEPANJANG 20 TAHUN ni of course I've had feelings for some of my guy friends but it's not love. It's the longing of wanting someone to listen to you to always be there for you. A partner to act silly with. It's not love. It's a strong bond of friendship. We often salah tafsir these feelings with love thus sometimes ruining the friendship between this boy and girl.

I've got a male best friend. No. Actually I got a few of male best friends. And I am entirely absolutely sure that I won't be falling for any of them 'baboons' hahahahaha (no offense) Not because they're not attractive but because i don't date FRIENDS! And they won't date me either LOL we're cool.
With these guys I can talk literally about everything. EVERTHING. From dirty jokes to religious talk real quick! They're like my girl friends except I cant hug them or touch them lol

so yeah GIRLS and BOYS can be the best of friends! xoxo

Rindu. Pada siapa tidak pula ku tahu. Mungkin sekadar permainan perasaan yang terkadang hilang sesat seketika. Oh how I wish it's that easy. These few days that one particular name keep popping up. Crazy huh after all this while after what I've done. This is all just a stupid game. And I quit playing long before I realize.

Cuma kadang kadang the heart wants what it can't have. What's the thrill anyway if it's the other way around. Never mind, class is about to start. I'll get over this 'hangover' thingy no worries.

xoxo