on being angry
May 12, 2020Now that I’m a little older, I wonder why my younger self was filled with so much anger. I remember being irritated and angry at the pettiest things and honestly it messed with my energy a lot. It made me unsettled and always ready to strike. As if, everything and anything could tick me off any minute. I’m not a confrontational person, but I still harbour those angry feelings even if I kept it to myself. And it’s the stupidest thing. Now looking back, it was so dumb and so emotionally tiring. I’ve learned to pick my battles and not be so bitter at everything, especially things I couldn’t change. It felt freeing to not hold onto those negative energy anymore.
Now, I always ask myself every time I’m upset. Why am I feeling like this? Is it justifiable? What can I do to fix it? What can I change? I sit back and reevaluate what I feel and I’ve found that by doing so I minimised my outbursts or unnecessary complaints. Of course, it still happens, but I can control it better now. I hate it whenever I’m angry. It makes me upset and when I’m upset I’ll put a damper on other people’s mood too. There’s just so much negative energy going on. Anger is so volatile, often it makes people irrational. I've made so many stupid decisions and said a lot of hurtful things when I was angry, and I hate myself for it. I'm learning to not be so angry at the world anymore. Nothing is ever fair out there and if I spend my whole life being angry at everything, imagine how miserable I'd be. I'm learning to differentiate what's worth it and what's not. To be comfortable in acknowledging my feelings and understanding them better.
I know a lot of people have issues with their anger and I hope someday you will find that middle ground that works for you. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye on everything but it's time you learn to pick your battles. I think managing your anger is something everyone goes through. It's not something to achieve but rather worked through as we go. This is a reminder for myself more than anything.
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