Sophrosyne

hey-ho. Today marks the start of a new semester of my new journey here in Cardiff. Also means that you can kiss that 3 months holiday good bye Nad. Haven't been writing anything since I went back to Malaysia during the summer, I guess I was too busy doing nothing. Seriously I did nothing back home aside from sleeping and eating. Wrote a few blog entries but it all went down the drain.

For this new start, I'm honestly scared and excited all at once. The excitement of learning something new but also the fear of not being able to fully excel in it is really driving me crazy and it's only been one day of class! But above all, I'm relieved to be free from Optometry! Since I've got what I wanted, might as well make use of it, and I am forever grateful. Indeed His plans are the best :)

I guess there's a part of me that still hold on to him. A part of my unconsciousness still want him though I believe I've moved on completely. He often appears in my dreams, and mind you I don't usually dream and even if I do I won't remember them. 

Today I woke up with my heart missing you and my mind kept wandering back to you. It's because of that dream. I haven't think about you for quite some time now and it amazes me how easily you appear in my dream, it felt so surreal.

I have a thing where I tend to laugh at the most random things. Sometimes my friends find me annoying for laughing too much. Can't help it tho you're stuck with the non-stop-laughing-Nad for life!

I have this thing where people's first impression of me is almost always something negative

"Ugh she's so snobbish"

"Budak tu nampak macam berlagak kan"

"Tengok tu dia tu tengok orang macam apa"

"Did her cat just died?"

What? hahaha it's just I suck at making a good first impression. And I have what people call a 'resting bitch face' I can't help it. Tried smiling too but it'll always seems fake (because I'm faking it). I honestly don't really know how to make friends because I'm obviously not friendly, at all. Living here in the UK, I don't have as much friends back in Malaysia. But I think my making-a-good-first-impression skills got better, thank God.

And one more thing, I hate it when I look ugly/unkept/messy when I meet someone for the first time, it's like "wait! I can do better than this I'm not always this messy" hahaha there's this one time I met this kakak here in the UK I was so selekeh at that time and later that week I met her again and she didn't recognize me! God I must've looked pretty horrible back then hahaha whates.

What's people's first impression of you? Try asking around, it'll be fun to know what you look like from another person's eyes

Yesterday. Today. I miss you. I hope tomorrow I won't anymore.

"The thing I realise, it's not about what you take it's what you leave" -All The Bright Places

This is a quote from a book I just finished and this one sentence struck my heart. Be it about life or the places I've been and the people I've met, have I left something significant or did I just take without leaving anything?

In the streets we walk, the people we pass each day, the smell of the spring breeze and all the little things we often fail to appreciate time after time there is always something we take whether we realise it or not. We took so much from everything but we fail to give back. The splendid view of the sea during our short visit to the beach, take. The smile of a stranger we pass on our way to school, take. The small act of kindness by our friends, take. We take take and take. What have we 'leave' in return?

My life has been a splash of anger and confusion lately since I'm here in the UK. I dont know if it's because I'm thousands of miles away from the ones I love or because I hate what I'm doing here, whichever. The thing is, I took (take) so much from everything around me and being the selfish me I didn't think I did a good job leaving anything significant or useful around me. And I'm scared. Scared that I'll leave this world without leaving something for those around me, be it to the people I know or just a mere stranger. So I'm gonna do my best to leave something, anything wherever I go and whoever I met. Life's a canvas full of streaks of colours and paint but why stop there. I wanna add meaning to this short life, form words and sentences, or even songs. I want to give back, to the world and to you.

Nasi lemak. Milo ais. The sun. Pasar malam. Roti canai. Charkuetiau. Kedai mamak. Haziera. Starbucks' Green Tea Frappe. Burger Ramlee. Naik kereta. Kipas. Masjid. KTM. Udara Malaysia yang tercemar lol. Azan. Surat khabar in bahasa. DipNdip. Cakap melayu dgn waiter/waitress. Secret Recipe. Teh o ais limau. Pisang goreng. Midvalley. Murtabak. Selipar. Coolblog. Maktab. Baju kurung. Ayam percik. Dadih. Moto kapcai. Naik kereta. Katil dekat rumah. My cat. KLCC. Mara13. MSU. Shah Alam. Kek batik. My bitches. Mama's pudding. Kengkawan. Buku. Axons. Not having to do my own laundry. Malam yang panjang. Subuh at 6am. Maghrib at 7-ish pm. Hujan Malaysia. Malaysia. 

I've never been so scared (up to the point of crying) to face an exam ya Allah.
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow

Hello whoops look at the date! Hahaha happy birthday to the gorgeous oh so awesome me.

Yknow that feeling when you can't have what you want but your heart keep on tempting you to try and convince you that it's okay when it's really not? Sucks man, seriously.