Yesterday. Today. I miss you. I hope tomorrow I won't anymore.
"The thing I realise, it's not about what you take it's what you leave" -All The Bright Places
This is a quote from a book I just finished and this one sentence struck my heart. Be it about life or the places I've been and the people I've met, have I left something significant or did I just take without leaving anything?
In the streets we walk, the people we pass each day, the smell of the spring breeze and all the little things we often fail to appreciate time after time there is always something we take whether we realise it or not. We took so much from everything but we fail to give back. The splendid view of the sea during our short visit to the beach, take. The smile of a stranger we pass on our way to school, take. The small act of kindness by our friends, take. We take take and take. What have we 'leave' in return?
My life has been a splash of anger and confusion lately since I'm here in the UK. I dont know if it's because I'm thousands of miles away from the ones I love or because I hate what I'm doing here, whichever. The thing is, I took (take) so much from everything around me and being the selfish me I didn't think I did a good job leaving anything significant or useful around me. And I'm scared. Scared that I'll leave this world without leaving something for those around me, be it to the people I know or just a mere stranger. So I'm gonna do my best to leave something, anything wherever I go and whoever I met. Life's a canvas full of streaks of colours and paint but why stop there. I wanna add meaning to this short life, form words and sentences, or even songs. I want to give back, to the world and to you.
This is a quote from a book I just finished and this one sentence struck my heart. Be it about life or the places I've been and the people I've met, have I left something significant or did I just take without leaving anything?
In the streets we walk, the people we pass each day, the smell of the spring breeze and all the little things we often fail to appreciate time after time there is always something we take whether we realise it or not. We took so much from everything but we fail to give back. The splendid view of the sea during our short visit to the beach, take. The smile of a stranger we pass on our way to school, take. The small act of kindness by our friends, take. We take take and take. What have we 'leave' in return?
My life has been a splash of anger and confusion lately since I'm here in the UK. I dont know if it's because I'm thousands of miles away from the ones I love or because I hate what I'm doing here, whichever. The thing is, I took (take) so much from everything around me and being the selfish me I didn't think I did a good job leaving anything significant or useful around me. And I'm scared. Scared that I'll leave this world without leaving something for those around me, be it to the people I know or just a mere stranger. So I'm gonna do my best to leave something, anything wherever I go and whoever I met. Life's a canvas full of streaks of colours and paint but why stop there. I wanna add meaning to this short life, form words and sentences, or even songs. I want to give back, to the world and to you.
Nasi lemak. Milo ais. The sun. Pasar malam. Roti canai. Charkuetiau. Kedai mamak. Haziera. Starbucks' Green Tea Frappe. Burger Ramlee. Naik kereta. Kipas. Masjid. KTM. Udara Malaysia yang tercemar lol. Azan. Surat khabar in bahasa. DipNdip. Cakap melayu dgn waiter/waitress. Secret Recipe. Teh o ais limau. Pisang goreng. Midvalley. Murtabak. Selipar. Coolblog. Maktab. Baju kurung. Ayam percik. Dadih. Moto kapcai. Naik kereta. Katil dekat rumah. My cat. KLCC. Mara13. MSU. Shah Alam. Kek batik. My bitches. Mama's pudding. Kengkawan. Buku. Axons. Not having to do my own laundry. Malam yang panjang. Subuh at 6am. Maghrib at 7-ish pm. Hujan Malaysia. Malaysia.
And obviously, Mama Ayah Adik Adik Maktok Tokwan <3
One month to go haiyakk!
I've never been so scared (up to the point of crying) to face an exam ya Allah.
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow
I feel so pathetic and incapable of doing anything right now. Please ease everything for me and my friends tomorrow
Hello whoops look at the date! Hahaha happy birthday to the gorgeous oh so awesome me.
Unlike past years, this year I privated my facebook wall thus no one can post on my wall without my permission. Hahaha tbh it's annoying getting birthday wishes from strangers acting like they've know you their whole life. You must be thinking like "why the hell are they in your friend list of you don't know them then?!" Well that, was my biggest mistake ever (sort of) being the dumb 14 year old me. Hahaha aside from liking all those stupid pages back in 2009.
I was thinking of deactivating that facebook account and making a new one but then it'll take ages to have all my contacts again as people these days are not as active on facebook as before. So I decided to continue using this current account. I've removed almost half of the people I don't know and there's just few left (by few I mean there's still a bunch of them)
And yeah looks like the only ones that are remembering my birthday (some remember but didn't wish I know I know) are the ones I'm expecting Alhamdulillah. Quite a few that I didn't expect double Alhamdulillah :)
Sometimes the people we barely keep track of are the ones keeping track of us. Thank you Allah for giving me these people I'm so grateful jzkk
Everyone's busy with final exams etc and I'll be sitting for my first paper in two days ya Allah takutnya tak sempat nak risau psl birthday whatsoever pls just let me pass this year amiin amiin amiin!
Yknow that feeling when you can't have what you want but your heart keep on tempting you to try and convince you that it's okay when it's really not? Sucks man, seriously.
How do you control something that's totally out of your limitations?
The stress of the exam is starting to make my life a living hell, and the 'situation' kinda adds up to it.
Ya Allah for You are the Almighty and in You I trust. Bring me back my confidence and self worth, I can no longer bear all these emotions all at once anymore.
"The right thing is always the hardest"
That dream again. It's still vividly playing on my mind. I remembered it was the first dream ever after I met you few months back. The same dream. The same people. Same character died. Same storyline. It's all the same! What's the meaning of this?
"I need solitude to empty my mind of people, then I need people to empty my mind of me"
Technically, this is me giving up. I dont know if I can call it giving up since I havent even tried my luck but yes this is me doing whatever you call it (aside from the term giving up). I've decided that it's okay to like someone and just see them doing fine from afar. It's okay to know that they're happy with the ones they chose. It's okay just knowing that he's out there somewhere in this world breathing the same air I breathe in. It's okay to feel lost and confused for a moment when you cant get what you want. But hey consider yourself lucky enough dear self, for you've met someone you thought never exist. Someone that's just a make-believe in your fairytale world. But there he is, breathing air in and out of his lungs, pretty much alive. I've made up my mind, that you will be just you. I like the way you are now, how I can see and watch (not literally) every thing that goes on in your life. Thank you for giving me that much. And I am forever grateful, thus I wont ask for more. I know people tend to get greedy and keep wanting more so I'm gonna prevent myself from being one. I'm content with how things are between us. I'm thankful for our short meet ups, our secret moment of stealing glances at each other hahaha I'm getting pink cheeks just remembering that. Thank you for that sweet sweet memories even short, I will remember that as long as possible. From now on, you will be one of those movie stars I like. So close yet so far fetched. Tho we've stop keeping in touch directly I hope you still remember me and thru your likes on ig I'll know that I still exist in your world. That's more than enough for me. Till next time :)
This is definitely on my wish list and soon to be crossed out inshaAllah. I've had this idea for quite some time now. On one fine day, I'll pack up my bags and head to the airport with some cash and I will randomly buy a flight ticket to the first name of place that catches my sight at the airport! I'm so excited for this! Imagine how cool and heart-wobbling it'd be to blindly head somewhere without proper planning or even notice! I'm sure it's gonna be one hell of an experience. Bet my parents would drop dead if they knew hahaha gotta wait few years more I guess. I want to experince the feeling of getting lost in cities, walking through crowds of people with different walks of life, eating food that I can't find where I'm from and meeting creepy/friendly/nice/vulgar strangers along the way. Maybe I'll be off to somewhere I've never even thought about, who knows right? Fate has a way of surprising us in things we can never imagine Travelling alone is not something I've done before, the far I've gone was travelling in two. So It'll be a bit of a challenge for me, surviving in places I know nothing of with no plan whatsoever! I don't know if I really have the guts to actually execute this plan but it's definitely on top of my wishlist before I get married (which is hm ofc not some time near) and I'd like it very very much if my best friends can join me! It'll triple the fun and excitement! OMG I'm excited just talking about it haih musn't let it get to me too often, I've got exams to study for right now! Until next time then :)
Ohh this is WISHLIST #1
Ohh this is WISHLIST #1
An amazing thing happens when you get honest with yourself and start doing what you love, what makes you happy. Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekends. You stop merely looking forward to special events. You begin to live in each moment and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy. You move fluidly, steadily, calm and grateful. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born.
