Sophrosyne

Staying in, books are your best friend, loving your quiet space, animals over people, cancelling plans to stay in bed, small circle of friends etc etc etc

hi, since I can't fall asleep right now I figured why not. These are not by any means lullabies, just a compilation of songs I sometimes love to listen to before sleep or to relax. It's just chill and soft ballads most of the time. I'll post youtube links and spotify links too if I can find them. Some of these are only on soundcloud, so I apologise in advance if that's not your preferred platform.

recently I find that I love making lists, so here's another one yay

1. Donate more – I've recently found the satisfaction in donating stuff I love, it's a little sad at first but then you feel like a weight has been lifted off of you, literally. 
2. Lessen my attachment to material things – I'm a sentimental person I keep everything, EVERYTHING. I'm trying to slowly let things go. My books for example. Never would've thought I'd sell them or give them away but here I am today with a whole box of books to sell and donate (visit my carousell: @pinkskiesblueocean for preloved books)
3. Be a smart consumer – I've starting to differentiate what brand/product deserve my support and what don't. There are so many out there and I'm choosing ones that align with my beliefs and what I stand for. A lipstick is just a lipstick until you see what principle they uphold in their company. 
4. Avoid unnecessary purchase – I've learned this the hard way. Buying unnecessary things doesn't just affect me it's bigger than that. I can't do much on my own but I'll do whatever I can.
5. Be more environmentally conscious – working on this, it's a lot harder in Malaysia than it was in the UK sigh
6. Join a reading challenge again – yay I'm doing 50 books this year (fan fictions excluded sadly) I'll keep y'all posted about this
7. Land my first real job – hopefully some time this year
8. Write more – I think every year, I'll say this. I didn't write more than my average word count in 2018, so far 2017 has been leading. I'd say because I was busy with finishing my final project but then again I spent the last few months of 2018 being a hermit so there's no excuse to be honest.
9. Express myself better – this is such a hard thing for me, but I'll keep trying
10. Stop dwelling on things I couldn't change – I need to stop thinking of 'what if's. I need to realise that I'm in charge of how much space a thought takes up in my life and differentiate what's worthy of my time. 

Exactly what the title said. It's been months and I'm back in Malaysia and missing Cardiff everyday.

I hope everyone's doing great. The year is nearing its end but there's still time for your own little plot twist. As for me, I just hope things stay as they are, I actually can't wait for 2018 to be over. It's been a wonderful year but I feel like I'm stuck and I can't move on. I hope with 2018 gone, all my attachment will go with it. I want to bring only memories I can carry into 2019, memories that doesn't weigh me down and burden me anymore.

At the start of the year I remember wanting to be a better person in 2018.
Looking back, I can't really say I'm a better person, but I did acknowledged certain things about myself and I'm still trying to fix it, to be better. I guess that counts for something right.

I can't wait for 2019.

Lying on the grass, waiting for sunset beside a little fountain in the park, I really love my life in these little moments

I wrote this letter hoping it will never reach you. I'm pouring my heart into an ocean of endless possibilities, singing melodies you didn't know. I hope someday I could love another like I loved you. You came crashing, like waves of saltwater and sea bubbles erasing foot steps others left on my battered heart. I found myself slowly letting go of what ifs and what could've been. I found myself loving you, I found myself loving me. Maybe this isn't love, but I'm grateful still. I learned new ways of loving when I met you, ones where you made me love myself first. Seeing you weave your way through life made me want to be happy and I think that's enough. You inspired me for greater things, simply by holding my hand along the way and telling me you believe. I could never thank you enough for existing. I hope someday I could inspire another like you did to me, such a great honour to watch someone grow into their capacity, finding galaxies in themselves. I wish you well. Wherever you are, I wish you the greatest ending.

Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction. I could say I'm a very perceptive person, especially to people and their behaviourism. At least I think so. But somehow I'm very oblivious to people's attitudes or feelings towards me. I'm not sure if I'm actually oblivious or I've just learned to tune it all out of my head. Like there's a deeper part of me that knows but an even greater part of me choose to ignore it and just brush it off. People often told me I don't hold grudges and I have very little hate in me. I forgive easily and I don't take things to heart most of the time. I guess it's true but in some twisted way that trait turned me into someone ignorant, I'm not sure if ignorant is the right word but that's all I can come up with at the moment. Insensitive might be more accurate. Yeah, insensitive. I'm already bad with confrontation, what a great combination. Does that make me a bad person? I've been working on trying to be more considerate towards other people's feelings but sometimes certain thing just go by unnoticed. If you think I'm being inconsiderate towards your feelings, please tell me. Whatever you're feeling, it's valid. You're valid.

Soft cotton dancing in the wind, a colour so white contrasting the night. Hair tied back, eyes sharp and maybe the cotton white dress isn't supposed to look soft after all. She is part maiden part siren, a folklore told in between flickering candle lights and hushed whispers. A fairytale told through generations, of viscous creatures luring out men and killing them at sea, a tale to scare the little ones, a warning to the sailors who've ventured far away from land. She roams the ocean and rules the coves, singing sweet lullabies across seven seas. Her beauty is said to rival that of a goddess, skin glittering with scales of blue and green. She is graceful in the most dangerous way. It is believed that if she tells you her name, the sea will swallow you whole and you are forever bound. A mortal life in exchange for eternity, living alongside the undead. Of course, nobody has ever lived to tell, but those lost at sea, if lucky, will be offered her name.

Black jeans, poetry books, 5 a.m. sunrise, screaming in the rain, colourful neck ties, vintage photos, desserts, pancake for dinner, iced coffee all year long, slow Jazz and RnB, ferris wheels at sunset, hugs, that white dress of mine you loved, coke, long car rides with the windows down, red velvet cake, forehead kisses, sleeping without our shirts on, chocolate ice cream, rainbows in the rain, video games, movie dates, good morning kisses, striped shirt, painting, the moon, long walks, walking on the grass barefooted, goldfish shaped clouds, summer, red lips, long distance, sugar, babydoll, cities, ghost town, clear cloudless night sky, maple leaves, footprints along the beach, love